Holly Sutton Scorpio

25 years with a wonderful man...

2008-02-07T21:45:00.000-08:00

Today marked Robert & my 25th anniversary. I simply cannot believe it has been that long, but it sure has been precious time that I'm grateful. Even years apart could not stop our love. Every day I am thankful for this wonderful man, and look forward to what each (rather adventurous day) will hold.
We are currently at a resort taking a break from our last adventure, just the two of us alone, the way we like it.

We wanted to plan a very special evening for tonight, and Robert said "Let me take care of that". I woke up this morning to turn & find Robert not beside me, but a bouquet of flowers, and a card that read "No Two Souls Have Been More Right For Each Other, More Perfect More Blessed." He still remembers every little word.
Then he peered out from behind the curtains with that devilish grin and he swayed over to me & kissed me. Pretty soon there was a knock on the door, and room service had arrived. There is nothing like breakfast in bed with Robert.
Our room is equipped with a jacuzzi & sauna, and for old times sake, we have definitely been using it. We decided to start the morning off right with a morning bath.

After getting dressed, I informed him I had a gift for him, and teased him asking if he had one for me. He said of course but I'd have to wait...I spent most of the day wondering what it could be. He said "lets not waste the day, the outdoors is too beautiful, and so are you". We decided to walk along the water, and I of course had to stop in some of the extravengant shops.
We had lunch along the bay, and while we slowly nibbled at our meals, just gazed at each other in amazement.
We also went out on a sailboat, and just sat romantically gazing at the beauty of nature and each other. I'm so happy we're here right now and not in New York where the weather would've been dreadful. However, no matter where we were, I don't think anything could've dampened this day.

Robert then said that we would have to split up for a couple hours, because he had some more things to take care of for our special evening. This peaked my curiousity even more, and I playfully tickled him for information. He would not give me anything.
Well I asked him what I should wear that evening, and he told me "nothing"...I smiled. He said to go buy myself a nice dress. Naturally, I could not argue with spending more money on clothes, and why not some new jewelry as well. Then I thought maybe I was getting jewelry this evening, but I should still buy some anyways, just in case.

After I found the perfect dress, and thought enough time had passed, I called Robert's cell and asked if it was safe to come back yet, and he said yes but knock first. I stopped by the front desk to pick up my gifts for Robert, that I had them hold so he wouldn't find them. I put them in my shopping bags. I get to the door, and there's a sign that says "Honeymoon Suite". I smiled, and knocked on the door. He comes out & says he has to blindfold me to take me into the bedroom. I'm thinking he's slyly just trying to skip to end of the evening already. He takes me in there and tells me to go ahead & put on what I bought. I did so, and touched up my hair & makeup. I don't know why I still try to look perfect for him, he tells me I am every day. He finally tells me I can come out. He has the suite decorated
exquisitely. (He must've had help) He had a table for 2 set up, candlelight, and ordered us the finest dinner from the resort's restaurant. He was acting quite the gentleman, and I was definetly charmed by him as always. He also had a CD of music playing of our favorites in the background. That took us back & we talked about many past memories & laughed. How lucky are we to be sitting right here at this moment? He said he saved the last song for us to dance to, and it was our song "The Greatest Love Affair" by Jeffrey Osbourne. This song always makes me tear up with happiness, and of course I did when he asked me to dance. This is all I need right here, right now, just the two of us. Nothing else matters.

After we danced, I said I have to go get his gift.
He said "It's not a live Wallaby is it?" and I said "no but close".
It was however the brass statue that used to sit on his desk at the PCPD. I had Mac get it from the attic for me, and send it. I told him wherever we land, I hope it will go on his desk or our mantle, or wherever he would like it to go. I also handed him an envelope and said this is where I would like our home to be. He opened it, and inside I enclosed 2 plane tickets to Australia. Other than Port Charles, I was happy with him in Australia, and we hadn't been back there yet.
Robert was shocked. He told me to wait a minute, and he went to get my gift. I opened it, and it was a photo of our beautiful home we used to have in Australia & a set of keys, and he said he bought it back! How perfect is it that we were thinking the same thing? Robert said he wants us to have a home there to go to in between our adventures. We were both so happy that we had tears in our eyes & kissed as if we could see the next 25 years right in front of us. And one thing led to another & you get the picture...
We are about to watch my DVD of Rebecca and fall asleep in each others arms...
What a perfect evening...what a perfect 25 years

Christmas in the Jungle????

2007-12-16T19:04:00.000-08:00

We have been in this bloody jungle for weeks now. I cannot wait to go home. I want a nice hot bath, I want to be back in England where there are no poisonous spiders or giant snakes. More than anything, I want peace. Robert and Anna are constantly bickering and trying to one up each other. It is a wonder we manage to get anything done. I think we could have been home already if they could just learn to get along.
Robert and I were looking forward to a romantic Christmas ALONE. We haven't had a Christmas together in so many years. Three is definitely a crowd.

Quality Time

2007-07-22T13:39:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the delay in posting, but as I'm sure you're aware, Robert and I have been spending some quality time together - reacquainting ourselves with one another.

As I sit here and think back on the past few weeks, I'm in awe of how much I truly love that man. Our first time around was absolutely wonderful and I wouldn't trade a moment of it - even the bad times, but now we're older and wiser. Now we know what it's like to be apart for a lifetime and how foolish we were to waste time. I have wondered what would have happen if Anna hadn't disappeared all those years ago. What if we had all stayed in Port Charles? Would Robert have left Anna to return to me? We started to talk about it one night, but really, you could say you would have done one thing when, in fact, you would have done another. It's pointless.

What matters now is now. We're together and we're happily, blissfully in love and the one lesson we learned so long ago but forgot along the way is trust makes love flourish. We trust one another; no doubts, no questions.And now it seems that duty is calling - what doesn't the agency understand about "retirement"? LOL! Our services are needed and so together we're off to answer the call. I'll try to check in again soon, but I make no promises. Keep good thoughts for us.

Until.....

Another Caper...RESOLVED!

2007-06-18T10:02:00.000-07:00

Ah! Sandy beaches and me getting a fabulous tan - life can't get any better than this! Helena is locked up, the world is safe from her and her maniacal ways and Robert had to admit that I'm a bloody good agent! That's right, agent. Now that this is all over with, I can tell you the truth.

When I thought I had lost Robert all those years ago, my life seemed so empty, so I did what any reformed con artist agent wannabe would do and joined MI6. I was their top agent until a few days ago when I retired. Helena was a tough one to bring in, but she was greedy and that greed brought her down. She needed those jewels to pull off a re-dux of Mikkos' weather machine and she got sloppy. She thought she had me trapped, thought she had me right where she wanted, only she thought wrong. Just as I planned, Robert came in and it was checkmate. Seriously, I could have handled it on my own, but he needed to feel needed, so..... LOL!

Actually, we're a good team, always have been, always will be. And now we're going to take it easy for a bit, maybe travel a little, relax, enjoy one another. Then we may move back to Port Charles, that town could use some cleaning up! Someone needs to take that mini Mob man and his "partner" in crime down and I believe Robert and I may be just the two people to do so.

Speaking of Robert, I see him walking this way - have I mentioned just how fabulous he looks in swim trunks? Still makes my heart go pitter-patter! It may be a while before I post again, we have some......... relaxing to do! Cheers!

Brooding...

2007-06-04T19:50:00.000-07:00

It seems I have a little time to write now. Robert is off brooding. It seems that desperate times call for desperate measures and Robert was forced to agree to my plan. Now he is angry, but there isn't any other way and he knows it. We have only a short time to prepare now. I hope this will bring this whole adventure to a close. Robert is not as optimistic as I am. I have a feeling, if he managed to come up with a better plan, one that undoubtedly would have had me stay behind while he dealt with Helena, he would be a lot more confident right now.

Global Freezing

2007-05-31T18:15:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay in updating this blog, it's been absolutely crazy of late! I had a brilliant plan and Robert has a fragile ego. It seems Helena decided to try and finish what Mikkos started. Yep, it's time to freeze the world again, as if global warming is screwing things up enough already. Anyway, I figured out where Helena had the scientists locked up - did I tell you that she had kidnapped several of the worlds leading climatologists and meteorologists and was forcing them to work with her? If not, then she did and I discovered where they were being held. With Robert as my back-up, we were able to free them and get them safely back home. They had done everything she demanded, but she still needs the jewels I have. And without them she has nothing. Helena's men put up a fight, but brains will win over brawn every time and I've got the brains! Robert suffered a few bruises and has been whining all day. He wants me to "kiss his boo-boo and make it all better".
The things I do for that man!

Having stopped her this time doesn't mean the world is safe yet, Helena is still at large and that's never a good thing. I have another plan, now I just need to "talk" Robert into it. If he ever wants me to "kiss" anything of his again, he'll just nod yes and come along quietly.

Have I mentioned lately just how much I absolutely adore that man?

The Honeymoon is Over...

2007-05-14T20:01:00.000-07:00

Robert's mad at me - the honeymoon is over - lol! It matters not that my plan worked, only that I "could have been killed!" He doesn't seem to remember that I've been doing this for a long time now and I'm very good at it. He's so cute when he gets this way; he's downstairs in the bar pouting.

I had a plan to draw Helena out and it worked, unfortunately one of her men tried to grab me and Robert went off on him and Helena got away. I've told him time and time again, I can take care of myself - I've been doing it for the past 14 years and I'm still here. I love having him around - having his help, but he puts his emotions out there first and it can get in the way of the job; just like today. It took me 4 days to set this up and now - poof! It's back to the drawing board, but still I have what Helena wants, so she'll be back and soon, I can feel it.

"24"

2007-05-08T19:25:00.000-07:00

Robert never ceases to amaze me. He is truly an incredibly romantic man. Robert completely surprised me by putting everything aside to celebrate our special anniversary. I cannot believe he even remembered it. It has been so long since we were last together. He told me, he never forgot it, he never stopped loving me. All these years I carried the memory of the night we began our real marriage in my heart. I cannot believe he was too. He truly made this anniversary a night I will never forget. I am so happy we found each other again. I cannot wait until this case is over and we can have more time together.

Now, I am afraid we have to go back to reality. And right now, our reality is Helena Cassadine is out there and several scientists have disappeared. Lord knows what she is planning this time. She has so far managed to elude us and everyone else looking for her. However, I have an idea on how to draw her out. The only difficulty will be getting Robert to go along with my idea.

Diamonds can be Dangerous

2007-05-02T16:30:00.000-07:00

It has been quite awhile since I have been able to post here. Robert and I have been spending quite a bit of time comparing notes and looking for answers. Of course, all work and no play would make Robert and Holly a very dull couple. We might have been many things, but we never have been dull.

We seem to have reached an impasse. We know who and how, but we are stuck as to why and where. There can be so many reasons for all of this, but the Cassadine involvement suggests a less than altruistic and frivolous reason. I know diamonds can be a girl's best friend, but who goes to this length for a pretty necklace? No, there has to be something else going on here. I can feel it. Even Robert says the whole situation makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. That generally means trouble.

I have gotten a few disturbing reports. I wonder if there is any connection to this caper. I suppose that can be a new direction for Robert and me to look into. Lord knows, we aren't getting anywhere now. Well, not case-wise anyway.

Holly

Life

2007-05-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

My life has been full of ups & downs. I keep thinking about everything that was 20-some years ago, when I was happiest, or 15 yrs ago when I saw Robert again, and subsequently thought he had died...good times & bad with old friends... new friendships like Mac, or romances like Bill...
While I don't get them out much, soon I will be opening up my old diaries & journals & reflecting on what happened back then. I hope that I'm not re-opening old wounds, but I think it will help me remember who I really am, what I've been through, and what I really want now that Robert is alive & well & a part of my life again.

Holly
aka English, Miss Sutton, or Sailor

Together again...

2007-04-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

Robert and I met and I finally told him everything. It felt so good not to be holding anything back from him. I wish I could properly describe his face when I told him everything. I think he was amazed that the woman he constantly protected and sheltered was the same woman sitting in front of him. But of course he wasn't able to resist gloating. After all I accomplished, he just sat there with that big smile: "I still needed him." At one point, I wished I had another lamp handy.

I am overjoyed that I called him. During all those years I thought Robert was dead, I often wondered what he would think of my work. I yearned to be able to bounce ideas off him and pick his brain. And to not be able to let him on the truth when I saw him last year nearly killed me. Now, I have him back and we are going to tackle this together, as equals. Of course, for us, teamwork never did just apply to work. I am definitely looking forward to that part of the adventure.

Making the call...

2007-04-12T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well, Zurich, for the most part, was a bust. The old bat had flown the
cave and she took the ... other half of what I want with her. I must be
making her nervous if she’s “running” from me! I did come across a bit
of useful information, nothing earth shattering, but it filled in a
couple of gaps. My experience in this “field” is not what I would like
for it to be, but I know someone who is an expert. As much as it pains
me, I think I must make a phone call.

Good lord, I just know I’ll never live this one down!

No Delicate Flower

2007-04-05T13:02:00.000-07:00

Robert once said I was a unique woman because I was one of the few women in captivity that could understand a man like him. Well, I don't. Not
anymore. I didn't want to hurt him, I swear, but he just doesn't listen.
Of course, when I think back, he never really did. But times have
changed and so have I. I am no longer a fragile flower (not that I ever
really was), but I have grown in so many ways, I'm not the woman he left
behind. As the song said, "I am woman, hear me roar." And watch out for
my left hook, cause it's a killa baby!

I was quite disappointed to only "acquire" half of what I need, but it's
a start. I did get a bit of useful information out of the clod that
Robert hit with the lamp, after I rousted him, of course. Unfortunately,
no one in this "game" is ever told all the details, it's like putting
together a puzzle, luckily I'm quite good at them. I finally pieced all
the players together, that's a start, but now I'm more worried than
ever. She won't stop at anything to get what she wants, so I will have
to be extra careful. Anyway, I'm off again - have a craving for a
Luxemburgerli.

Robert, if you're reading this - stay away! As soon as I have the other
half of what I'm looking for, I'll tell you everything. I promise.

Mamma Mia

2007-03-27T15:53:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to get a bit frustrated. I've never seen goods change hands as many times as this. I suppose that means the trail is hot. And as much as I would have enjoyed another evening in Ireland, perhaps a slightly more sober evening, I can't let it get cold.

And now I have Robert following me around like little Ringo used to do. Darling, if you're reading this, for God's sake, would you please stay put? It really is for your own good. I promise to fill you in later, when all is said and done.

Last call for boarding to the land of the midnight sun. I hope I can find a few hours of uninterrupted sleep once I get there.

My Love

2007-03-18T19:12:00.001-07:00

LOL! Oh my dear, dear Robert! You were indeed quite soused last evening. And no, I slipped you no micky - you just can't hold your liquor the way you used to! I, on the other hand, have learnt over the years that if you pay the bartender enough, he will water down your drinks for you. Yes, it was a mean thing to do, but you really shouldn't have followed me.

Robert, please listen to me carefully - I love you too much to put you in danger and that's what is going to happen if you keep this up. Please let me handle it, I know what I'm doing. And just for the record, you hurt my feelings by suggesting I was working for the family; I haven't pulled a con for them in years.

When this is all done, we can sit down and have a nice long chat about a possible future together. Just be patient and have a little bit of
faith in me.

BTW, you're still quite a man, no matter how drunk you are! (wink-wink)

Daydreaming

2007-03-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

"Je ne reconnais plus/Ni les murs, ni les rues/Qui ont vu ma jeunesse"

I spent the day sitting on a terrasse, sipping coffee and savoring pain au chocolat. All the while waiting for that family friend to come up with some more info on those missing goods. I hate waiting. Give me a little action any day.

I tried to make the best of things and people watched. It was a beautiful day - almost spring - and the crowds were out, milling around the artists. I watched a young couple for a while. They were so much in love, you could see it in their faces, in the way they looked at one another. It was breathtaking. And I remember that feeling. So I made up stories about them. Maybe they were a young couple on their honeymoon? On a lovers' getaway? Maybe they were art dealers, taking a break between finds.

After three cups of wonderful coffee, I finally got the message I'd been waiting for. Say what you will about my family, but sometimes the connections can be invaluable. I've a new lead on the goods and I leave tonight.

Calgon Take Me Away...

2007-03-06T19:38:00.000-08:00

I spent most of the day running around in circles, trying to catch up with an old family associate. I am in need of his expertise in relocating some missing items. He was able to assure me that no one I know has them – which, in some ways, is a relief. I should have more information from him in the next day or so.

I was able to spend a bit of time in one of my favorite museums today. I passed by Degas' dancers in favor of his more interesting nudes. There were only three: Nude Wiping Her Foot, Bather Stretched Out on the Floor, and The Tub. I wish I'd spent less time in the tub while we were all at the Villa last year. If that had been the case I might already be out of this mess that I'm in. Oh well – if wishes were booze…

Diamonds are a girls best friend...

2007-02-28T22:00:00.000-08:00

It has been a week since that night with Robert. It was so hard leaving him that night. I decided I needed to put a great deal of distance between us lest I be too tempted to let him help me. I can only hope all of this will end soon and I can find Robert again and explain everything. Right now, my secrets and my fears must remain my own. I cannot help thinking of our time together as short as it was. I have tried to push my memories out of my mind, but he haunts my dreams.

I had to get far away. Luckily, I found what I was looking for in London, well it was here for a time. It is nice to be home for awhile. My accent does not stand out here and it is so easy to blend into the city. I wish I could visit with friends, but I cannot place anyone in danger. Besides, I keep reminding myself, diamonds are always a girl's best friend. Although I fear I will be traveling again soon. Maybe I will take that vacation that Robert and I always meant to take. I think I might just find what I am looking for there. I just need to add a little sparkle to my life.

Once upon a year ago...

2007-02-28T10:39:00.000-08:00

Has it already been a year since that horrible epidemic hit Port Charles?
I still wish that hadn't turned out the way it did. I had to make Robert believe I was holding the antidote for ransom. I really wasn't, Robert knows that I'm not capable of that. I think that ill fated day a year ago, he thought for maybe a split second that I might have, but I guess as a con artist even I fooled him into thinking I was really involved, thus his reasons for being upset that day & let me get carted off. He told me he did intend to rescue me (after he came to his senses,I presume) if I was involved he just wanted to teach me a lesson for not trusting him enough to tell him what was really going on...

I did manage to call Mac later that summer, said I couldn't talk long, but wanted to let him know I would never let Robin or anyone die, and he said he knew that I wouldn't let people die for a price. He said he & Robbie talked it over, and there had to be more to the story. Good ol' Mac. What a great brother in law! I was glad he finally started talking to Robert again at that point, Mac was so angry when he found out Robert let him believe he was dead.
He said Robin didn't believe I was directly involved either, said she actually came to my defense. But in the Markhams I didn't let myself get close to her again because I knew I'd have to be on the move all the time, and didn't want to involve her in what was going on. Too bad the kids came to the Islands. I also was only testing her a little to see how much she really cared about Dr Patrick, she was trying so hard to deny it. She was obviously jealous by our flirting, but it never would've led anywhere, as I said I was testing her. I think it made her realize just how much she really cared for him. And when the bounty hunters came in , they were making out like crazy. (Gosh I miss those J-E-W-E-L-S.)I'm so happy she's found someone again, I remember when Stone died. Robin & I kept in touch a lot then & I visited when I could.
Last week Robert said Robin & Patrick were fighting over trivial things, such as a couch?
I told Robert I still couldn't tell him anything, I had my reasons and some day I can tell him, but not now...

Night and Day

2007-02-21T17:07:00.000-08:00

Leaving my hotel room this morning was the hardest thing I've had to do in a long while. Much to my delight, Robert picked up on my clues and found me last night. Our first 12 hours of actually being alone together in when? 15 years? Heaven. Sheer heaven. Yet maddening at the same time. Of course he had a million questions about what's going on – what I've "gotten myself into" - and he was pressuring me for answers. I believe tenacity was the word you were looking for, Robert. Like a dog with a bone. I hope you'll forgive me for slipping out the way I did, but I thought it would be easier that way. I can't imagine it being any harder. I hope you can understand that there are some things I have to take care of on my own – for everyone's sake.

Clint Eastwood...Hemingway

2007-02-17T20:47:00.000-08:00

I couldn't sleep last night and because of my limited hotel cable choices all I could find to watch was an old Clint Eastwood movie. It was one I remember seeing with Robert at the Port Charles drive in a long time ago. None of those memorable Dirty Harry quotes, but it was Eastwood just the same.
I booked a plane ticket before finally dozing off. I need to keep moving.
Everything's just a big mess and none of this has been easy. I believe it was Hemingway who said "Never mistake motion for action." The plan is to keep moving until I decide on an action. I think I'll pick up a copy of Hemingway's short stories for the flight. A little Poppa to occupy my racing mind.

No Two Souls...

2007-02-14T19:09:00.000-08:00

Ah, another Valentine's Day alone with my memories...well unless you count all the other people trying to get somewhere, like I am, but am stranded at an airport because of the snow...
Looks like Robert is stranded too...I wish I was with him right now.
I remember when he gave me an official valentine, he said it was the first one he had ever given since one to his mother. He said there had never been anyone that special.
I remember he said to me, "No two souls have been more right for each other, more perfect, more blessed..." makes me teary-eyed to think about that moment.
That gift certainly paled in comparison to the red vest I bought him...I know he pretended to like it because of how much he loved me.

Well, hopefully soon the weather will clear, and I will be on my way...

For the Girl In Me...

2007-02-08T11:11:00.000-08:00

To continue with Fashion Week, this morning I decided to head some place I figured no goon or Robert would find me. I went to a taping of The View today with guest Hilary Duff. I know its a little girlish, but I think we all need that every once in awhile. Hilary is in NY for Fashion Week and had the custest, darling outfits for young girls or "tweens" they are calling them now.
I imagine that if Robert & I had a daughter (Rebecca), that I would be taking her to events like this. And probably to Hilary Duff concerts as well. I would love to have a daughter to take on shopping sprees. I miss back when I lived in PC and Robin & I would head to the mall, and we would splurge on the latest clothes. Robin was trying to impress Jason Quartermaine then.
Mac didn't approve of his niece looking so "grown up".
I would've loved to see Mac's face that night Robin & Jodie raided my closet, and ended up wearing some of my gorgeous dresses to the Outback opening.

Well, I will turn off my Blackberry for now, and see what the rest of the day holds...

Happy Anniversary, Robert

2007-02-07T20:26:00.000-08:00

whew!...I think I slipped back to my hotel without being followed by the goons or Robert...
What a day today was. Well, earlier I wished for something to happen to keep me from thinking of our anniversary, but just the opposite happened. Personally, it all worked out better than I'd hoped.
After my lengthy shopping spree that basically consisted of window shopping today, I decided to go back to 5th Ave, because there was another hat I was thinking of getting to match my coat I was wearing. It was "faux" fur, I don't wear real fur. So naturally I went back & bought it!

Then I ventured down further and ended up walking past St Patricks' church. Wed evening mass was about to begin, there were lots of people entering the church. Made me think, what if Robert & I had a beautiful church wedding? I had always hoped we'd have a chance to actually write vows that were from our hearts and pledge those words to each other eternally in front of God & our loved ones. During the weddings that Robert & I attended together, I would always daydream it was us up there.
Well, maybe someday it could still happen. Tiffany could be my maid of honor, and Sean could be Robert's best man. Sean & Tiff's youngest daughter could be our flower girl. I was busy daydreaming of all the details, when someone GRABBED me by my shoulder! I felt as frightened as I did when I was in San Francisco with Bill, but this time there was no Bill to save me. I turned expecting either a mugger or the goons following me around, but this "goon" pulled me to him & kissed me. I let him...I couldn't resist, he was so handsome, his lips so familiar...Robert...of course he found me. We kissed passionately, this time no guards we were trying to fool, or Luke around. Just the 2 of us, on our anniversary. I never would've imagined it was possible.
Well, at least I thought we were alone. I saw someone hiding behind a tall bush at St Patricks church. I leaned into Robert as if I hadn't seen that guy, and told him I didn't know when I'd get a chance to finally tell him, that I had never signed the divorce papers, we were still married. I said I had to go, I ran without telling him someone was watching. If Robert finds out anything, he would be in danger...

So now I am alone again & I am listening to a song that reminds me of Robert & I.
It's called Window To My Heart by Jon Secada, in fact most songs by Jon Secada feel so close to my heart.

Here are the lyrics to Window To My Heart:

Alone in the dark
Waiting for the sunrise
Feeling wide awake
Pretending you're there with me
Don't wanna close my eyes
Because I wanna keep believing
That we can be together
As far as I can see
I know you feel the same
Give us the chance to make it

Through your eyes there's a window that goes to my heart
I can see me still loving you the rest of my life
Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart

Stay with me tonight
I promise you one thing girl
No matter, come what may
I'll always be here for you
And if you believe in me
I know that I can be
Everything that you need
As far as I can see
I know you feel the same
Give us a chance to make it

Through your eyes there's a window that goes to my heart
I can see me still loving you the rest of my life
Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart

You're the only one who's light has ever made it through
And I've been waiting for so long for somebody like you
Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart

No I don't care how long I have to wait
If it means that you'll stay
Through your eyes I always feel the truth
Make no mistake
Give us a chance to make it

Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart

Through your eyes there's a window that goes to my heart
I can see me still loving you the rest of my life
Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart

You're the only one who's light has made it through
And I've been waiting for so long for somebody like you
Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart

Through your eyes there's a window that goes to my heart
I can see me still loving you the rest of my life
Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart

Happy Anniversary

2007-02-07T08:32:00.000-08:00

I'm sipping tea & writing this morning, reflecting on 24 years ago today. At that moment, I didn't realize it would turn out to be the most meaningful day of my life. I married my friend, but he became my heart & soul, my one true love.
Though Robert & I have never discussed it, we are still technically married. I wonder if he is remembering this day also. I will post more later, maybe something else today will take my mind off what could've been, what should be...

More Shopping...

2007-02-06T21:38:00.000-08:00

NYC. It's cold here but all one needs is a warm coat and a wonderful hat. Even better, a warm arm around one's shoulders. But I always did prefer the cold to the heat anyway.

My heart nearly broke when I saw Robert across the avenue in Savannah. I was about to run to him when I saw yet another of those dreadful goons. Can't they just mind their own business for a few hours?

I've decided that I need a little distraction. Shopping and fashion always did make me feel better, at least temporarily, so where better to head but Fashion Week? I hit the shows all day. For a moment, I even thought I spotted Robert. It so rattled me that I turned and banged into this poor man. Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be Tim Gunn from Project Runway. He was just as lovely in person as he is on the show - such a gentleman. I apologized profusely - probably over did it a bit. I was just so flustered to be meeting a celebrity! I think Project Catwalk would have gotten much better ratings had they imported Tim Gunn. That Ben de Lisi was so horribly mean, whereas Tim seemed to know the right things to say to the contestants.

Robert always used to know the right things to say to me. I am dreading tomorrow. It would have been our 24th anniversary had things gone the way they should have.
I always find the day so hard, thinking of what might have been. What I wouldn't give to have another day with Robert.

Shopping in NYC

2007-02-05T22:24:00.000-08:00

Back in one of my favorite cities, NYC, I am curently enjoying taking in the sites, and shopping til I drop! It is also Fashion Week, so I am attending a lot of shows. I love to visit some of the exquisite stores, that are luckily still around. Robert & I used to go to NYC on little excursions, usually him for business, I for pleasure. He always hated it when I would go into a store and come out with 10 hat boxes or tons of clothes! (Well, I personally believe he loved every minute of it - he got an exclusive fashion show to himself)
I remember I always had to have new boots, those were my favorite things to wear with my dresses, or over pants. Seems like that is back in fashion now, the boots over pants.
I haven't worn hats forever, but I had to visit the little shop on 5th Ave where I purchased those hats at 20+ yrs ago, and they really had some cute styles, so I had to pick this one up. I attached a photo.
Luckily I made it into that store right before it closed. I simply cannot believe that Pierre still works there, and he remembered me.

I wonder if Robert went back to Port Charles after Savannah. I suppose I should be careful being in NYC, not too far away from PC...

Danger Near

2007-02-01T13:19:00.000-08:00

oh I had hoped to be able to stay in Savannah for a little while. It seems Robert and I are still of one mind, as he is here now as well. Unfortunately, he is not the only one in Georgia. I am afraid he is getting too close to the truth. He is going to be in for quite a bit of danger if he does not stop digging. I need to lead these gentlemen, and I use that term loosely, far away from Robert. I know these people are far too dangerous to subject Robert to. I wish I could manage to loose these guys. It is really getting tiresome. Perhaps I can let them believe I left Georgia and enjoy my time here just a little longer. Maybe I can just catch a glimpse of Robert. I want so badly to see him again.

I know I shouldn't, but a large part of me wishes Robert would catch up to me. I wonder if he really still loves me.

Regrets

2007-01-31T13:14:00.000-08:00

I was sorry to leave Florida and Robert behind. I wish I could let my Robert catch me, but I can't. I cannot drag him into this mess that I made. If I had only realized that... but there is no sense in pondering what should have been. I have spent the last 15 years wishing that I had told Robert how much and how deeply I love him. We still have those sparks between us. I could feel on the waterfront last year in Port Charles and I could feel it in May. If only Luke had given us a few moments alone.

My travels have now bought me to a place that brings me memories of a happier time, my life with Robert. What I would give to get that back.

Paradise & Robert?

2007-01-29T17:53:00.000-08:00

I found a lovely piece of paradise on Marco Island. The food and champagne were marvelous and the beach was just heaven. I have been running all over the globe these days. I love an adventure, but they are best shared. It seems this one is just too dangerous to share with anyone I love. I think I finally understand why Robert always wanted to leave me out of his work. I never thought I could miss anyone as much as I miss him. Seeing him this past year was so hard. It was harder still allowing him to believe such horrible things about me and what I have been doing. He haunts my thoughts and my dreams. If only I could settle all this business. Still, I cannot even manage to stay in one place safe for very long. I thought I finally lost anyone following me, but today I had the oddest sensation i was being watched. Could it be Robert I felt?
I cut my little trip to the beach short...and it seems it is time to leave again.

15 yrs ago I was reunited with Robert...

2007-01-17T21:30:00.000-08:00

On that wonderful, yet anxious day on Jan 17th, 1992 I was reunited with my one true love, Robert Xavier Scorpio. Let me recall the events as they happened.

I was in NYC on family business, working on a con to retrieve a stamp, supposedly a family heirloom that had been stolen by Dominique Stanton (Taub)'s family. (as I was told by Uncle Clive)
I felt I owed it to the family to do a couple cons here & there because they paid all my medical bills whilst I was in the hospital after my accident, and subsequent coma. They also kept me alive with the faith that I would awaken one day, when they could have easily pulled the plug. When I awoke, they stood by me during my re-cooperation. My family did not contact Robert to let him know I was alive, but I learned of his engagement to pianist Katherine Delafield, and subsequent marriage to Anna Devane, of all people. He had moved on, and I felt it was not my place to disrupt his life. I then went to stay with my sister in San Sebastian shortly after my recovery, and when things got rough there, that is when I returned to my family, and they welcomed me back & supported me, as I had nowhere else to turn. Even though I really think conning people is wrong, I felt I owed them.

The con started out with my cousin Barry & I going to NYC, where Dominque lived. I moved into a suite in the same building as Dominiques' penthouse. Barry stayed at a hotel, and to be inconspicuous, he went by a different last name, and I went by a different name altogether. Being that close to Port Charles, in the same state, I didn't want anyone to recognize me, so I went by Sabrina Hamilton.

The plan was to befriend Dominique so that Barry & I could get a chance to look for the missing stamp. Well, I sort of just stumbled into that one, as I ran smack dab into Mac, Dominique's dashingly handsome boyfriend. I had a puppy with me who knocked him over, whilst he was carrying a bottle of wine. I looked into his eyes, and immediately something felt familiar. Yes, he was good looking and charming, but his eyes reminded me of Robert's. So trusting & caring.

Well, I ended up taking a new bottle of wine to Mac & Dominique, when I was invited to Mac's Birthday party. Perfect! I was thinking that I could go to the party & perhaps wander around, find a stamp collection, and get the con over with as quickily as possible. Mac & Dominique seemed quite pleasant, I so hated when my targets were nice people. I was having a marvelous time at the party. Mac & Dom were busy entertaining guests, and it was the perfect time to slip away. I said I had to make a phone call. The lights went out in the penthouse, and I had slipped into another room & was checking my makeup.

Someone entered the room, I was a bit startled; I figured maybe it was Mac or Dom, and was ready with an excuse for being in there. I turn around & swear I saw a ghost...my heart raced so fast, it couldn't be... ROBERT! But he looked at me as if he'd seen a ghost...he called me by my name...it was him! I couldn't speak, I froze; luckily I didn't have a chance to explain, because some of the party-goers entered the room, he turned around to them, and I ran. All I could do was run... How could I even begin to explain to him how I was alive? Why I didn't tell him...he would never understand. I slipped out through the penthouse, no one noticed me. I had to get back to my room & get out of there. Once I knew Robert was somehow involved in this, I could not continue...I must've narrowly missed him, because I learned later that he came to my room to look for me, and I had left behind my black handkerchief with the letter H on it at Dominique's. Also, I forgot to grab my favorite perfume from my room. The kind that Robert always bought for me at Christmas time. He knew it was me. I wondered how he felt seeing me...but I was too afraid to find out.

I caught a taxi & went to stay at Barry's... I could not sleep, all the memories of the love Robert & I shared kept flowing through my mind all night. At some point I must've fallen asleep, because Barry was waking me up in the morning, and I had wished it was all a dream...

I will continue more later, for now I will have sweet dreams of my Robert...
:)