No Two Souls...

Ah, another Valentine's Day alone with my memories...well unless you count all the other people trying to get somewhere, like I am, but am stranded at an airport because of the snow...
Looks like Robert is stranded too...I wish I was with him right now.
I remember when he gave me an official valentine, he said it was the first one he had ever given since one to his mother. He said there had never been anyone that special.
I remember he said to me, "No two souls have been more right for each other, more perfect, more blessed..." makes me teary-eyed to think about that moment.
That gift certainly paled in comparison to the red vest I bought him...I know he pretended to like it because of how much he loved me.

Well, hopefully soon the weather will clear, and I will be on my way...

For the Girl In Me...

To continue with Fashion Week, this morning I decided to head some place I figured no goon or Robert would find me. I went to a taping of The View today with guest Hilary Duff. I know its a little girlish, but I think we all need that every once in awhile. Hilary is in NY for Fashion Week and had the custest, darling outfits for young girls or "tweens" they are calling them now.
I imagine that if Robert & I had a daughter (Rebecca), that I would be taking her to events like this. And probably to Hilary Duff concerts as well. I would love to have a daughter to take on shopping sprees. I miss back when I lived in PC and Robin & I would head to the mall, and we would splurge on the latest clothes. Robin was trying to impress Jason Quartermaine then.
Mac didn't approve of his niece looking so "grown up".
I would've loved to see Mac's face that night Robin & Jodie raided my closet, and ended up wearing some of my gorgeous dresses to the Outback opening.

Well, I will turn off my Blackberry for now, and see what the rest of the day holds...

Happy Anniversary, Robert

whew!...I think I slipped back to my hotel without being followed by the goons or Robert...
What a day today was. Well, earlier I wished for something to happen to keep me from thinking of our anniversary, but just the opposite happened. Personally, it all worked out better than I'd hoped.
After my lengthy shopping spree that basically consisted of window shopping today, I decided to go back to 5th Ave, because there was another hat I was thinking of getting to match my coat I was wearing. It was "faux" fur, I don't wear real fur. So naturally I went back & bought it!

Then I ventured down further and ended up walking past St Patricks' church. Wed evening mass was about to begin, there were lots of people entering the church. Made me think, what if Robert & I had a beautiful church wedding? I had always hoped we'd have a chance to actually write vows that were from our hearts and pledge those words to each other eternally in front of God & our loved ones. During the weddings that Robert & I attended together, I would always daydream it was us up there.
Well, maybe someday it could still happen. Tiffany could be my maid of honor, and Sean could be Robert's best man. Sean & Tiff's youngest daughter could be our flower girl. I was busy daydreaming of all the details, when someone GRABBED me by my shoulder! I felt as frightened as I did when I was in San Francisco with Bill, but this time there was no Bill to save me. I turned expecting either a mugger or the goons following me around, but this "goon" pulled me to him & kissed me. I let him...I couldn't resist, he was so handsome, his lips so familiar...Robert...of course he found me. We kissed passionately, this time no guards we were trying to fool, or Luke around. Just the 2 of us, on our anniversary. I never would've imagined it was possible.
Well, at least I thought we were alone. I saw someone hiding behind a tall bush at St Patricks church. I leaned into Robert as if I hadn't seen that guy, and told him I didn't know when I'd get a chance to finally tell him, that I had never signed the divorce papers, we were still married. I said I had to go, I ran without telling him someone was watching. If Robert finds out anything, he would be in danger...

So now I am alone again & I am listening to a song that reminds me of Robert & I.
It's called Window To My Heart by Jon Secada, in fact most songs by Jon Secada feel so close to my heart.

Here are the lyrics to Window To My Heart:

Alone in the dark
Waiting for the sunrise
Feeling wide awake
Pretending you're there with me
Don't wanna close my eyes
Because I wanna keep believing
That we can be together
As far as I can see
I know you feel the same
Give us the chance to make it



Through your eyes there's a window that goes to my heart
I can see me still loving you the rest of my life
Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart

Stay with me tonight
I promise you one thing girl
No matter, come what may
I'll always be here for you
And if you believe in me
I know that I can be
Everything that you need
As far as I can see
I know you feel the same
Give us a chance to make it

Through your eyes there's a window that goes to my heart
I can see me still loving you the rest of my life
Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart



You're the only one who's light has ever made it through
And I've been waiting for so long for somebody like you
Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart

No I don't care how long I have to wait
If it means that you'll stay
Through your eyes I always feel the truth
Make no mistake
Give us a chance to make it

Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart

Through your eyes there's a window that goes to my heart
I can see me still loving you the rest of my life
Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart

You're the only one who's light has made it through
And I've been waiting for so long for somebody like you
Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart

Through your eyes there's a window that goes to my heart
I can see me still loving you the rest of my life
Look inside, look inside through the window that goes to my heart

Happy Anniversary

I'm sipping tea & writing this morning, reflecting on 24 years ago today. At that moment, I didn't realize it would turn out to be the most meaningful day of my life. I married my friend, but he became my heart & soul, my one true love.
Though Robert & I have never discussed it, we are still technically married. I wonder if he is remembering this day also. I will post more later, maybe something else today will take my mind off what could've been, what should be...

More Shopping...

NYC. It's cold here but all one needs is a warm coat and a wonderful hat. Even better, a warm arm around one's shoulders. But I always did prefer the cold to the heat anyway.

My heart nearly broke when I saw Robert across the avenue in Savannah. I was about to run to him when I saw yet another of those dreadful goons. Can't they just mind their own business for a few hours?

I've decided that I need a little distraction. Shopping and fashion always did make me feel better, at least temporarily, so where better to head but Fashion Week? I hit the shows all day. For a moment, I even thought I spotted Robert. It so rattled me that I turned and banged into this poor man. Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be Tim Gunn from Project Runway. He was just as lovely in person as he is on the show - such a gentleman. I apologized profusely - probably over did it a bit. I was just so flustered to be meeting a celebrity! I think Project Catwalk would have gotten much better ratings had they imported Tim Gunn. That Ben de Lisi was so horribly mean, whereas Tim seemed to know the right things to say to the contestants.

Robert always used to know the right things to say to me. I am dreading tomorrow. It would have been our 24th anniversary had things gone the way they should have.
I always find the day so hard, thinking of what might have been. What I wouldn't give to have another day with Robert.

Shopping in NYC

Back in one of my favorite cities, NYC, I am curently enjoying taking in the sites, and shopping til I drop! It is also Fashion Week, so I am attending a lot of shows. I love to visit some of the exquisite stores, that are luckily still around. Robert & I used to go to NYC on little excursions, usually him for business, I for pleasure. He always hated it when I would go into a store and come out with 10 hat boxes or tons of clothes! (Well, I personally believe he loved every minute of it - he got an exclusive fashion show to himself)
I remember I always had to have new boots, those were my favorite things to wear with my dresses, or over pants. Seems like that is back in fashion now, the boots over pants.
I haven't worn hats forever, but I had to visit the little shop on 5th Ave where I purchased those hats at 20+ yrs ago, and they really had some cute styles, so I had to pick this one up. I attached a photo.
Luckily I made it into that store right before it closed. I simply cannot believe that Pierre still works there, and he remembered me.

I wonder if Robert went back to Port Charles after Savannah. I suppose I should be careful being in NYC, not too far away from PC...

Danger Near

oh I had hoped to be able to stay in Savannah for a little while. It seems Robert and I are still of one mind, as he is here now as well. Unfortunately, he is not the only one in Georgia. I am afraid he is getting too close to the truth. He is going to be in for quite a bit of danger if he does not stop digging. I need to lead these gentlemen, and I use that term loosely, far away from Robert. I know these people are far too dangerous to subject Robert to. I wish I could manage to loose these guys. It is really getting tiresome. Perhaps I can let them believe I left Georgia and enjoy my time here just a little longer. Maybe I can just catch a glimpse of Robert. I want so badly to see him again.

I know I shouldn't, but a large part of me wishes Robert would catch up to me. I wonder if he really still loves me.